So many things to say and write about to catch up. Most everyone reading this is on facebook or instagram or family so you already know that my little family will now be a medium sized one! December 31st is the date this little dude will arrive. That’s right a BOY!!! We are very excited.
Here is a picture of our reveal we did… that will end up being a WHOLE other post.
Just a quick bit on our journey to actually being able to say the words we are pregnant! It wasn’t easy and knowing there are so many women and families out there struggling I figured I’d lay a little bit of our journey out for you all to read:
We have wanted another child for the last four years. We have had a few years where we were really trying hard and just had so many disappointments. During a routine check up I found out I have endometriosis which after researching it is now no surprise to me and not uncommon. I had surgery and they found a cyst on my left ovary so, those 2 things really didn’t help the making a baby process at all. I was told by the Dr. and MANY MANY friends that after the surgery we should have no problem at all getting pregnant. Well, everyone is clearly different because nothing… no baby.
A year went by after the surgery I got depressed, overweight, and at the lowest I have been. I honestly became a person I just didn’t know anymore. We gave up on the baby making and decided to go through the process of grieving that child we weren’t going to get. Sounds a bit dramatic I’m sure to someone reading this who has never gone through 4 years of trying to have a baby and nothing happening. But, it’s exactly what it feels like. That idea of your family not being fully complete, the idea of another amazing little person adding joy, the idea of your beautiful daughter who will make a perfect big sister, the names, all the wonderful things you imagine your future to be… gone.
A friend suggested I see a spiritual director and go to a silent retreat. I laughed at the idea because if you know me at all I am anything but silent, and silence makes me feel uncomfortable. Seriously, today I had a Dr. apt and waited for the elevator with this dude who was also waiting. I couldn’t handle the awkard silence so I pretended I left something, walked away, and went to the bathroom then came back so I could go alone. Sometimes, ya do what you gotta do to.
I’d love to explain what a silent retreat is… the only thing that comes to mind is life changing. It really did change my life. I spent 26 hours talking with God, reading the Bible, sitting outside and taking in nature, I even took a shower and got ready… without having to rush! That in itself was healing. I didn’t miss the talking because I spent so much time “talking” with God. If you’d like a more official explanation you can go to Kasey’s website here and look into it.
My journey with Kasey (my spiritual guide) has really changed my life, so much. I don’t think she really has a clue how much her sessions have helped me heal and have gotten me closer to God. I know how to pray now- something I have always struggled with, I notice when God is trying to tell me something – not all the time but when I do it’s pretty cool, and I feel more at peace with my life. I have learned more about the stories in the bible than I ever had and I often use the bible as a “self help” book if you will.
There are many skeptics about the Christian faith. Many don’t know enough about it so they make their own judgements. My heart breaks and literally pounds out of my chest when I see rude comments from friends posted out on social media about people of faith. I have to really real myself in from getting into a online social media debate because they are brutal… so brutal. But, for me the bottom line is that my relationship with God and my faith has gotten me through the toughest time in my life. There will be more tough times to come I’m sure and I am excited to think that with the guidance of friends, family, and God I will make it through.
Anyway, when I was at the retreat I was immediately drawn to this tree. It was January so there were no leaves on it but folks this tree was magnificent even without the leaves. The branches made a wonderful soothing noise in the wind as birds found their perfect resting and chatting place. I bundled up sat down and started writing. As the sun peaked out from around the tree and slowly warmed my body I found God. I saw him in that tree. I asked many questions, I told him how much love His child would have if he or she was given to us. How much Hannah needed and wanted to be a big sister. She will be perfect at it. I promised that I would never disappear from Him again. Jesus hugged me at one point, even smirked and told me to be patient. All good things come to those who wait. I asked what I needed to do to heal my body and mind so I can get pregnant. I didn’t get a word for word answer but after I left the retreat I came across this cleanse. I prayed about it and felt a huge urgency to give it a try.
I tried it 2 times. The first time was a complete bust. Like really I did it for 4 days… it’s a 12 day cleanse. But this cleanse is only liquid. No solids. So, it had to be timed perfectly and I didn’t do that. A month went by and I decided to schedule it during a down time that was before a wedding I was going to so hopefully I would have lost a few lbs before it. This cleanse was amazing- well, it sucked at first, it sucked bad! But, it really was amazing once you got through the hungry starving feeling. I’m pretty sure all the nasty stuff came out, all the toxins, all the junk and I felt great! The first 4 days I wanted to punch anyone who came near me in the face but once that passed I was GREAT! The 12 days were over and I already had on my calendar when I was going to do it again.
I haven’t done it again… why? Because I got pregnant. A month after the cleanse was over and 3 months after my silent retreat! YIPPEEE!!!
So far this pregnancy has been difficult, very difficult. I have been really sick, losing weight, sent to the hospital, and we just got word that he may not be the perfect baby we envisioned. There may be some serious obstacles we have to face so thoughts and prayers from you all are welcomed with great big open arms.
Anyway, thank you for sharing this joy with us and thank you to the people who have continued to be a constant support in our lives. Can’t wait to keep you all updated on this little dude as our journey continues!
And guess what!!????!!! Fall is coming and we all know what that means in the Diehl home! It’s decorating and project time!! It’s baking time!! I think this weekend I am going to try to make scones!